Day's which passes by

I feel like something just not right and it's unexplainable.

Feel's like as if everything is not in place.

school ended.

life as a high school student ended.

most important test of my high schooling life ended.

I just dont know. I feel it's not right at all but i guess it's a phase we go through when we're growing O:

People change, teachers leaving next year, people driving which makes you think like WERTTT seems as if they only talked about wanting to take their undang a few days ago D:

Hahaha, everythings changing in a blink of an eye D:

And there's one thing i just gotta spill.

I don't really tell anyone about this but it's good to let it out sometimes in a place where people will never see 8)

I don't know but seems like it feels really long since we just stopped.

It is never easy and takes a lot to hold this things but im thankful everyday is a lil easier

im still coping with all this though

With all the changes surrounding my life

How our 'daily routine' is now gone

When we could talk and laugh like we usually do

Basically when there was 'us'

Yes, 'Us'

I keep thinking about hows your life

what your going to do in this period of the year.

how's things going on for you.

Are you really okay?

I even worry about the jobs your planning to take whether your going to be safe and all

( Somethings are unexplainable okay D: )

But I do hope you get it cause out of all the worry I know you want it alot(:

Im also worried like how you haven't been online these two days which is paranoia schizophrenia @.@

I wonder, where are you, what're you doing, are you safe and at home?

It's probably just me but i does kill me sometimes not knowing.

So now, I wait. Till I hear news from you and in some strange unexplainable way it does give me a sense of comfort (: I don't know. Maybe it'll fade away some lil time soon but in the meantime I'm just holding on.

Isit normal? Maybe it's cause im too used to it? MAYBE IM JUST CREEPY? Third one seems more logical 8)

But one things for sure,

I hope your fine

I hope your happier

I hope your smiling

I hope you nothing bad will ever happen to you

I hope things will go right for you

I hope that job works out for you

Cause apart from it all. You still mean so much to me.

Never came a day since we stopped, you weren't the first one I think about when my day starts.

Never came a day since we stopped, you weren't the last one I think about before my day ends.

And sometimes I just want to say. I miss you.

Maybe, maybe not

I use to think about so much things going on about us,

and trust me that wasn't just simple thinking no it was deep thoughts which formed imagination of horific things I would always fear,

But it never seemed that all this had just one simple answer I was abiding all along,

bummer now that fear came through no?

Oh, how can you love someone that much and just stop when things like this happens knowing you did not do your absolute best for that special someone?

How can you stand and do nothing at all while just mourn about it?

yes that makes me a hypocrite and my regret is not knowing it until now.

Yeah, only now I know where I went wrong and now I stand here hoping for something right.

You were always my sunshine, that smile would never fail to put another smile on my face,

The warmness you gave me, when I needed it the most

The times where I wish time would just stop for us ( LIKE SERIOUSLY .____. )

Or how about those hugs and laughters you gave me.

Truth is I missed those so much and sometimes at night I cry knowing we're missing what we had. I would pray it would magically come back like a de ja vu or something @.@

But it never hit me hard enough, where's my part in all this?

Yeah, I admit although I wanted it so badly it wasn't my main priority this year.

I was so occupied in work and truth is I too like what I do, I never put your needs before mine and I'd expect you to come to me. How wrong was I we were two people playing the game of patience.

After that was.. well, it may seem pathetic but my studies.. yeah, i wasn't doing so good so I was so worried i never thought so much about us. I always thought, OMG HOLIDAYS IM SO SPENDING ALL MY TIME WITH HER INSTEAD OF BOOKS MANN -______-

But right now, I never saw how I made you feel, fuck myself seriously D:

Love is hard, balancing is even harder!

Well, now we know I fail epicly in both and right now im feel so sad i didn't see the bigger picture.

You gave me a second chance during midyear no? Lemme tell you this, that was one of the best things this year no joke AND I FRIGGIN BLEW IT .____.

Maybe im not cut out for a relationship just yet.

Im not too mature I know.

Im very sensitive.

I cry easily.

I tend to hide so much.

I don't see the bigger picture.

I can't balance at all.

I didn't love you or treat you as much as I should've.

Now, yes we don't talk so much or spend so much time with each other or laugh with each other on silly things.

But you can bet anything I would trade so much just for those times back.

Right now, I've just lost something which meant so deeply to me.

but it's not just losing someone.

It's knowing you did not try hard enough to love or show that you love that person enough.

Yes it's just my second day like this.

Already I can't control myself D: D: D:

I didn't really had any appetite or much sleep or even studies, when things like this bothers you THAT MUCH.

I just wish all this work and wtv disappears or burn! D:

Most of all, I secretly wish we would have times like we had like we use to.

There i've said what i gotta spit out O: TIME TO STUDY (: THANKS BLOG :D

Us

I cant help but feel our time is all up

maybe imm terrible dude

but i am doing the utter best i can for us

while your doing nothing

just helping others

am i such a terrible guy to talk to hang out with to been seen of?

i dont know what i do wrong and you dont tell me things when you yourself said we should tell each other more things.

think about it

its obvious you bitch so badly about me to other people you think i know nothing of?

find definitely i do tell ppl things about you but i have to say i would always ask them and tell them also to hear your story first cause i might not be all correct and all

how you dont give a shit about the times we have

think about it..

you say ohh i hate it when you give me one word replies

your the one starting all the one word replies i'll have you know everything before all this problems was one shitty words replies and up till now you still give me one word replies..

freaking look at the past wei like you use to be so full of joy in front of me now its just bloody yeah and yeah replies. LIKE LOOK AT YOURSELF.

Why are you so concern over guys instead of me? am i really that horrible?

you think its so easy to tell you things when you dont really care about my problems in the first place..

like you would choose sims to play with over me..

THINK ABOUT IT.

I GAVE EVERYTHING FOR YOU LA

and right now, i cant feel anything else.. not a drop of tear.. not jealousy anymore, not disappointment , i just feel angry and thats all i feel right now.. i feel so ripped off i can't friggin feel anything anymore and the thought of it is shit

does it bother you that you dont care that our relationship is SO FULL OF SETBACKS and you just say nothing about it? why do you think we're even in this? its to learn about each other and up till now think about where we are really and how much do we know each other...

Just think about it like you have rights to be angry not unreasonable

I dont have rights to be unreasonable too so i put up with all your excuses but im beginning to think its just so bully shit like im not joking yet i have no one to tell about this.

ABSOLUTELY NO ONE

why? cause i sacrificed everybody i would tell my problems to you and tell them TO YOU and right now your missing not caring about all my problems..

Im in deep shit now and all you can say is ' chill' LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT IS RE-LA-TION-SHIP or okay fine.. we're not there yet, F-RI-END-SHIP?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

you dont even care about listening to my problems like whatsyourproblem?!??!?!?!

and you only find me to talk about your problem...

either that or you talk to me that you get annoyed AT EVERYTHING -,-

im standing hard doing what i think is the right thing to do and i would do it all over again all for you only you. but when your like this how much can a person tolerate and not be crazy i dont know mannn. all i know is if you keep doing this we're done like the end of the story but you'd be wrong if i try to make you sad and all.. i'll put you softly down cause from all this anger.sadness.confusion.shitfeeling the one thing that keeps me going is your happiness and i mean't it...

and now im just complaining to a blog..... BLOGS ARE AWESOME(: especially dead ones. their good listeners plus no one would see it (;

not that im falling to pieces

but im losing myself completely.

Byebye ;O

Think most of this is just falling piece by piece O;

Everything is taken for granted

Not appreciated for everything you did.

Not even trying to pay back what I did or do what's right

Well, you can't said I didn't try to fix it

I mean I can't be doing everything while you just check and wander off some place

Guess in life nothing seems really fair

but heck, what is fair and what isn't man?

hahahhaha

Probably losing my sanity right now

But at least Im trying to gain it all back

Really think everythings going to the dustbin right now

EVERYTHING

Well, Life spits you out and swallows you back so yeah

I'm get better only need some time

and when the time comes lets just hope I don't suffer as I did 3 years back

That was a real shitty feeling I've gotta admit. hahaha

Im guessing that it'll feel even more shittier cause this is much more important than that.

Whatever it is, just wanna say how life is unfair, not easy and with so many boundaries just tearing us apart

The selfishness of other people, the way you get treated everytime

It was all.. well how you put it.. 'butterflies' haha

And I didn't even got everything there is in a year

Thank god for a blog, I don't usually have any place to complain..

well, not now anyways O:

GOOD NOBODY VIEWS(:

I FEEL MUCH BETTER :D

3RD RCC Meeting of the year (:

Hey guys! (:

Bet the holidays went swell eyh? I know mine did (; SOOO.

Anyways,

There will be a RCC meeting on the 16th of January.

Details from the below.

Date : 16th January

Time : 9.00 am till 3.30 pm

Venue : SMK La Salle Klang

Attire : Vest and club uniform

Lunch will be provided but just bring some money just incase (: Transport can be arrangable but please contact Leo Melvin Cheah to confirm your attendance. Please RSVP by january 14th ASAP! (: Thank you for your time and very sorry for the inconvinience you guys! (:

Please.

Well its been a long time since i blogged.

Too long.

Infact.

I don't think anyone ever sees my blog anymore! :D

so i've got no time unfortunately.

So i'll make it short.

LIFE IS SHORT.

BUT I CAN'T SEEN TO ENJOY IT.

I'VE BEEN FEELING WHAT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN THESE PAST FEW DAYS.

I JUST WANNA BREAKDOWN RIGHT NOW AND BREAK TILL THERE IS NO MORE ME.

Yet, i just did brokedown.

epic -_-

I knew life was hard.

mmm, probably never this hard.

owh well.

POST ENDED! :D

I'm still breathing

I'm still thinking

I'm still hoping

I'm still attached

I'm still around

I'm still hanging on

I'm still holding on

I'm still not over the fact that i can't forget.

I'm still dying in the inside.

But i want to do whats right.

And i still always forgot to put the P.S

-_-

Teehee! :D

I MISS HER.

Truly i do(:

Can't believe you have doubts ;P

Don't(:

Cause THAT isn't true and your the only thing that is true (:

Teehee! :D

Updated my blog kay! ;P

I see you!

Hey readers !!

I know that my blogs beennn SOOO DEADDD.

It's due to the fact that i have so much work and tuition lately!

And some other stuff to do.

AND

As you can see

My chat box is SOOO much more alive then my blog :DD

( It ain't really alive but heck its living more then my blog )

And as you can see my AH MA,

MICHELLE LEE CHENG XIN

is scolding me right now xD

sorry mich! i'll try to blog more! :D

And i can't believe

you read my blog! xD

so dead man my blog!

BACK TO THE TOPIC

Anyways,

its my 1st week in pure science starting on tuesday.

I'm in 4BR

next to SIEW MENG! is so lame! xDD

Yet im so blur.

Well, makes us even doesn't it :P

1st day.

it was okayy la, i was like so lost when i went to class!

Luckily i have pheifern,joyee,kenyoong and yinling! :D

Then liyen came!

Thought she appealed for 4C.

So then siewmeng came and kenyoong moved his bag in front of the class.

Sat with him.

As you know, it is a strategic place TO SLEEP.

I tell you! Its so friggin boring omg.

you can really sleep when you blink -.-

your eyes will feel super heavy :P

Tuesday.

Nothing much.

Was better then the 1st day :D

Went to the lab if i recall

Wednesday

EN ZOL :DD

im just kidding -___-

It was ok despite the fact that on guy almost cried D: at least i think he did :X

Thursday

Best day out of the 3 :DD

so fun! xD

Was laughing the whole way with siew meng.

Friday

LEO REGISTRATION!!! :DD

uber excited!!

And i got PHEIFERN! to join! :P

i should get a medal for this xP

Was asked to promote.

Here was what i used :P

JOIN RACHEL IN LEO :D

I bet loads of ppl join la rachel 8P

Saturday.

OMG I FRIGGIN CANNOT BELIEVE I MISSED ESTHERS PARTY!!!

Had to go hometown )):

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER, :D well an early one la :P

Sunday

nothing much.

went to the temple and came back

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER FOR REAL THIS TIME! :D

Mondayy

Here i am :P

And i wanna makan now.

Will blog soon (:

If you believe it :P

Fo`shizzle.

Dead?

I KNOW! :D

So many to blog about.

Don't know where to start :P

And i dont really have the mood :p

maybe later 8D